One of my sistafriends sent this video link to me without any explanation on what it was. Curious, I clicked on it and it resonated with me.
Definitely been in several “situations” where despite what a guy’s actions and words told me, I desperately believed that if I put my all into “us” I could build a relationship so amazingly beautiful, he couldn’t resist wanting to be in it.
“I was scared to let him go because another chick might get him…
I held on tight, convinced that I hit the boyfriend/bed buddy jackpot and I’d regret letting him go because another smarter/slimmer/curvier/thicker/taller/prettier/all around flyer female wouldn’t waste any time snatching up what I once “had”.
I couldn’t shake him. He was like a bad habit, all this for a n*gga that was just average, doing average n*gga sh*t …but I must admit he’s the one I wanted to commit, so either I wasn’t living up to my potential or I was just an average chick.”
It would take months of fruitlessly acting as my own lawyer, arguing why he should spend time with me/ show and tell me he loves me/ respect and consider me before I’d finally wake up from my head-over-heels-in-like stupor and realize that I was settling for being a hard rock when truly, I’m a gem.
This poem reminds me of one of my favorite lines in “Poetic Justice” when Regina King and Joe Torry’s characters get into another nasty argument. He disrespects her and without skipping a beat, she lets him know that she isn’t “in the business of keeping n*ggas when they don’t wanna be kept!” Ashe!
“But I chose to believe that I was a woman just caught up in a feeling both physical and emotional, who was way to willing too give her all to a man. Though it may sound stupid, I would do it all again. Just next time for my husband and not that n*gga I call my friend.”
I love how Dana Gilmore isn’t resigned to being brokenhearted and a victim. She acknowledges that her “friend” told her straight up what it was and what it wasn’t, and she chose to ignore it all and attempt to lay claim to a man that didn’t want to be her’s.
In my current relationship, I’ve had several “Aha! Moments”. This is the first time ever, I haven’t had to negotiate love and I’m able to describe a partnership as easy and effortless. Corn and cheesey, but I even love how we argue and disagree. There’s no trying to convince him to love me how I need, want and deserve to be loved. He does it all because he genuinely wants to.
It’s refreshing.
Can you relate to the poem? Where do you think the need to negotiate love comes from? Do you think Dana let her “friend” off too easy and he’s truly trifling?
Comments
2 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.“so either I wasn’t living up to my potential or I was just an average chick.” Aaaaah that hit me! Unfortunatley I’ve been that girl she described in the poem. I can’t say I will never be in that situation again but I am more aware of what I will and will not tolerate. Like they say a Lesson is repeated until it’s learned.
TRUE. STORY. I know what it’s like to want from someone what they aren’t willing or able to give. Negotiating love…I think it comes from not really KNOWING love. Not knowing that you are truly worth being loved. Not seeing enough of the evidence that you deserve what you want and need. Inspite of all this, still needing to be loved, so settilng for what you see.