If you ask my parents they would say I was a perfect child, a model child, because I did everything that was asked of me. I got great grades, I was a great athlete, I was a student leader, the police were never called, there were never any major scandals on our cul-de-sac…but what was going on inside, and what I was dealing with individually and as a group of girls, was absolute turmoil. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, we were forced to deal with a lot of adult issues and situations as a collective, and often times we wouldn’t turn to each other, we would internalize everything, we didn’t have an outlet. So, I was going through MAJOR low self esteem. I was a black girl in an all white school in an all white community, never feeling good enough, but always being encouraged by my parents to be bigger, badder and better. And perfect is the standard. That’s an immense amount of pressure to put on a child. Then I’m starting to like guys. And in my own town, with me being THE black girl, the white guys weren’t really checking for me in that way. When I got to go to basketball camp and I got be around black boys, I was like cool…until I got dumped…for a light skinned girl. And then that whole thing started. My hair isn’t straight enough. My nose isn’t pointy enough. My lips are too big. My boobs aren’t big enough. And you start going through all of that. And I realize as I’ve gotten older a lot of issues that I was dealing with at 15, I am still dealing with today.
– Gabrielle Union, Actress “You Don’t Generally Share These Stories”
From 6th through 9th grade, I attended school in Irvington, New York – a super small and wealthy village along the Hudson River. At Irvington Middle School, I was one of seven Black students – four females and three males, majority of which were siblings and NOOOOOOOOOOO one was checking for me, absolutely no one.
I was too big hipped, thick thighed, big bootyed and dark skinned for the white boys, and too nappy and Haitian for the Black boys. I was out and what was in were thin Jewish girls with long straight hair, no backside and itty bitty titties.
Surprisingly, I didn’t want to be lighter or less full bodied. My self-esteem remained intact during those times thanks to the love and affirmations from family and friends who constantly let me know that I was beautiful, inside and out. Unfortunately, many young girls aren’t so lucky and sometimes end up dealing with the same self image issues later in life.
I sincerely admire and give Gabrielle much credit for writing this piece. It takes a lot of courage to admit our insecurities to ourselves and share them with others.
Let the healing begin.
Comments
2 Comments so far. Leave a comment below.Kat I always envied your curvy hips thick thighs and big bootay! Not to mention you had a flat tummy! However, I can definitely relate to this post…although I attended a well diverse school I too was very insecure…so now this post has inspired me to write my own post on my blog, lol. <3 you sis! btw I'm borrowing Gabby~!
Lov, what? I never had a flat stomach a day in my life. Came out the womb with a belly and it’s been here ever since. LMAO! Please, please write on and borrow. Can’t wait to see what you post.